6/19/2016 7 Comments For My Dad . . .It's interesting, I don't think about my birth father very often. Thinking of him now doesn't even bring up feelings. I suppose I have witnessed many a passing men dropping life into someone and then retreating back into a life of bachelorhood. So I have never seen his contribution being one of much sacrifice. Babies can hear their father's voice at week 22, but all studies show that men bond with their children after birth. So I only have one emotional bond with one father. There is no cross over of feelings. And the love I have for the human that is my father is like no other. There are two types of people, the kind that live through unimaginable tragedy and wallow, and the kind that live through unimaginable tragedy and flourish. My dad is the second kind of person. My dad lost his dad when he was 11. He stood on a shore on a sunny picnic day and recalls his dad's head going under the water. "He was in a brand new pair of blue jeans.", he says. The small detail of the day somehow magnifies the loss. As if he was searching his mind to remember every detail of his father who he would never see again. His father's heroics of saving a little girl's life, surrendering his own life, have made up my dad. One night while carving pumpkins outside we heard a horrible crash at the end of our street, "I'll be right back.", he says as he rushed into the night. When he came back he was covered in blood. He had held a man's hand that was flattened into the street, a hero to person who's life was tethered to his in that moment. And a hero to me when he returned. I knew I'd always be safe with my dad, because as much as he was brave, he was even kinder. He was raised in a land of women and God, and maybe that's how he learned that being a man isn't defined the way we all have come to believe. Maybe, just maybe, it's past all the stereotypes. Somewhere undefined. My dad is walking in that path. Undefined. Have you ever fallen in love at first sight? My dad has, every time he looks into a stranger's eyes. It scares me sometimes, his blind love for people. I stand back and watch the world questioning it, he helps me embrace it. He helps me realize that blind love is better than any form of hate. He doesn't see anything other than a person stripped of all labels in front of him, waiting to embrace them into his life. With every, "What is your name?", he brings even the smallest unseen person into his light. With his father gone my dad put his children first, never wasting a moment with us. Forgoing a life that was career greedy. He was home for dinner and homework every night. He made sure that even though he had daughters, they knew how to use a drill, check their tires, oil, how shut off a main water line, change a filter, smell for leaking gas, and how to use a breaker box. But he also taught me to see the world. To slow down, and really see. From tiny bugs to the birds, that everyone else hates, he loved them, and so now do I. I could weep from the gift. He taught me to know that world isn't made up of us, and them . . . but we. He has nine lives, but I suspect he has battled to live, despite hearing he wouldn't, more for us, than himself. He remembers the loss. The scar is deep and he knows the fight is worth it so we don't have to feel that wound for as long as possible. He gave me his dad's first name, Ruscelina (Russell). It's my badge of honor. Reminding me to always fight like my namesake and my father, but to know that I, no, we, should all be capable of sacrificing oneself in the name of another. My life is tethered to the man's hand that lay dying on the side of the road all those years ago. His story is ours, and my dad's his. Because maybe without my papa's sacrifice all those years ago on a sunny Arizona day my dad wouldn't have been there. And maybe someday I'll have to give some great part of myself to another. I know it's what my dad would do, so, I will, without any hesitation, because my dad has taught me to be a hero. Daddy, thank you for: Blowdrying my hair straight when I was little, and trying to iron it straight. Making it a point to spend quality time with us even when you didn't have enough time. Making me see the danger of unattended candles in the house. Loving all creatures, great and small. Getting me my first toolbox, because there are no gender stereotypes in our home. Cooking amazing pies and continuing grandmother's famous recipes, it makes me miss her less. Feeling guilty every time you had to punish me. Always believing me despite what circumstances looked like. Taking the the night feedings when I was a newborn. Crying with me. Making me feel safe and loved. Telling me daily, "whatever you need, I'm here". But mainly for being a special brand of father, that wasn't quite invented in your time. You are a pioneer. Your "girls" may be the center of your life, but you're the spirit that holds us together. I love you.
7 Comments
Dana Black
6/19/2016 02:09:59 pm
Your father is so very special. I'm privileged to know him. He is everything that you said and more. He is truly one of the most loving and caring men I know. You girls always put into words what everyone thinks and feels and I'm certain that he blushes at every word!
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Toni Klima
6/19/2016 05:30:04 pm
Ceiba, you put into words all true and beautiful feelings. It's a gift, and your way of giving back. I'll never forget the 40th anniversary party you and your sister gave to your parents. A gift from your hearts. So wonderful. Your Dad is one in a zillion. He is a gift to all that know him. Blessings to him and to all your family.
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Debbie barrett
6/19/2016 05:49:16 pm
Ceiba you said it so true👏 my cousin jimmy to a tee! When i was young and he would visit he always made the girls feel included and special! To this day I love him for that. You are so lucky to be one of his beautiful daughter🎉 He is an amazing dad and you are blessed 💞
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Jami Hickerson
6/19/2016 08:44:50 pm
What a beautiful and well written letter. Your dad has always been a person who I have admired as I have never met a person that has lived his family or world around him more. You are an amazing person shaped by your Dad and wonderful mother. Thank you for sharing. Much love to all of you.
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Mary Raddin
6/20/2016 07:34:29 pm
Ceiba Your dad is an amazing man with a compassionate heart and love for everyone he meets...and it's touching that you are able to remind him of all the ways his life experiences have uplifted everyone he comes in contact with in such a positive light...miss you Ceiba Jane
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agnes
6/21/2016 11:46:38 am
Ceiba, I know your dads love! it cuts through the bias of this country and brings out love and kindness that I wish the world should have!
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