3/10/2016 1 Comment How to Celebrate Your Life...There is a homeless woman who stands watch day and night in a parking lot by my salon. She is beautiful. She stands with grace looking over the horizon like she may one day see the meaning of life. Her certainty gives her power. What everyone thinks and feels as they pass her is inconsequential in her quest. I know I will never believe in something as much as she does. Layered and tattered, the pillar of her solitude day after day gives me peace. She. Is what we are all looking for. Purpose. I turn 38 today. And some days I wake up and think, “What the fuck?! Who the fuck am I?!” [Excuse my language.] Sometimes anxiety runs through me like lightning almost knocking me off my feet, the idea of getting out of bed seems like a great undertaking, and the idea of smiling all day makes me want to cry. I have trudged through this life at some points, and then I always decide to fight back. I owe too many people to not do that. I believe happiness is something you have to decide on. If you try to get happy, and can’t, then you need to reach out to someone who can help you. Sometimes that person isn’t a family member, and that’s okay. We have to know the darkness to know the sun. But every human should have the right to live with purpose, compassion, and joy. And today, and 95% of the time, I do. This is part of the reason I celebrate my birthday like a 5 year old. I know the darkness that creeps in from life all around you. Sitting on your chest waiting for the moment you give in. With every breath I take I try to live like I've been given a great gift, instead of being bitter about turning another year older. I have watched loved ones fight to live, I’ve seen the weight of the world on my family every time it happens, and I have seen what happens if they lose. I remember when I heard that one of my heart links in this world, who was laying in the ICU, might not make it. My body took the news and it sank to the bottom of my soul, then twisted it , and wretched it back up. It was the coldest moment of my life. But he’s still here, and I get to hug him, and share with him whenever I want. I get to say I love you. I get to have new memories with him. But there are others that I don’t get to do this with anymore. Ones that shaped my heart and my life. So how could I mope and whine about getting older? How could I disrespect the gift they no longer have? I don’t. I celebrate. I share stories of their love, I say, “I love you.”, and, “Thank you.” to them today. I get to be here. I know the blackest sorrow. The loss of what you were and what you thought you might have become. That the world can be unkind and feel unjustified. I know that it is also beautiful. That even though this woman stands in her parking lot, and what ever pulls her there gives her life meaning. That until we stand in her shoes we will never really understand the inner workings of her person. What she does, is, get up, everyday, and carries out something that her mind has figured out to get her through this life. And there is a subtle beauty in that. For I have seen countless people of privilege that never find the same thing. So, I bring this to you. Start something radical. Rejoice in your next birthday. Find your happiness in it. Life is brief. It is full of amazing people and adventures. It is a gift. For some reason we have taught ourselves to see wickedness in celebrating ourselves, and to find pride in shame. Now it is time for that to stop. We need to find our value. And we need to find strength in our joy. If it helps, send a kiss to whoever was your Nana, your Bruce, your Dick, your Charlie, your Papas, your Grandmother, and take this next 365 day journey with them in mind. Live, because they can't. Love, because they gave you love. Rejoice, because you get to. Be a pillar. How to celebrate your life?
It’s simple. Celebrate it.
1 Comment
Sam
3/10/2016 10:38:52 pm
Beautifully and perfectly said. Happy birthday.
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